A bit about our apartment before I get into the party. We somehow packed two apartments worth of furniture into a one-bedroom in Long Island City: two desks, two couches (for a short time), two dining tables (had to sell the OG), and two kitchens’ worth of equipment. I filmed 4 short-form videos a week for my old job out of our apartment, completely taking over what small space we had to work around a Wayfair kitchen island (used to give ourselves any inch of counter space).

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My husband and I were getting married in just a few months and had both been on our bachelor/bachelorette parties. Both of our individual groups got along so well, but we knew that the best weddings were when the wedding party sides really knew each other. Cue: Soup-er Saturday. I invited our 18-person wedding party (plus their SO’s) over to our one-bedroom apartment for a soup-themed party. Did I have enough space for everyone to sit to enjoy their soup? Absolutely not. Instead, I bought a ton of tiny compostable bowls so people could sip with one hand while standing. We had slow cookers covering every inch available and power strips pushed to their limit.

The key to small-space entertaining is to know what you’re working with. While I’m sure the 14th Dalai Lama wouldn’t have expected his quote to be used in reference to entertaining: Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively. If you know the physical limits of your space, you know exactly how far you can push it. If you want to do a classic seated dinner party, you might be limited to how much floor space you can set up tables and chairs in (plus finding/borrowing/owning a folding table and extra chairs, if you need more than what’s usually in your set-up). Knowing how many people you physically can fit can help you decide how intimate or big of a party you can throw. We had a recurring “Board Night” with one of our couple friends where the four of us would just come together and eat anything off of a board (from fondue in the photo above to Taco Bell) and maybe play a board game. It doesn’t have to be a ton of people or a big to-do to still be entertaining.

Or, you think outside the box: why can’t you sit on the floor instead? A quick search on Pinterest of “floor dinner party” pulls up TONS of inspiration, some even using boxes as makeshift tables. Throw some pillows on the floor for people to sit on and thrift some tablecloths. It’ll come together more quickly than you expect! You can also do what I love and just have a standing party. You don’t need to have 0 seats, but you don’t need to have a seat for everyone. Guests feel like they can mingle and get to know each other better. Another option? Get creative with third spaces. Does your apartment building have a rooftop? Is there a community center or park nearby? You don’t need to be at home to host!

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Am I saying that you can pull off the sprawling lawn parties of Hamptons fame? Maybe not. But can you create a legendary party in your friend group where bits are referenced months after the party happens? You absolutely bet.

Focus on Tazzing over Cleaning

I'm not saying never clean your house. I am saying to focus your energy on what actually needs to get done. Here's what I do in the 30-60 minutes before people arrive:

• Step 1: Put all of the little things away: books, pieces of paper, laptop, random items left out, etc. These pieces of your life are important, but don't need to be making visual clutter. I've seen a few hacks to bring a basket or hamper around with you to easily carry things from room to room and save yourself from bouncing all around. (10-20 minutes)

• Step 2: Wipe down the surfaces people will interact with. Counters, tables, anywhere where little crumbs and such collect. It makes SUCH a difference and takes seconds to do. (~5 minutes)

• Step 3: Straighten up the area where you'll be spending the most time. Fluff the couch pillows and straighten out the throw blanket. Arrange the chairs so it doesn't look like everyone bolted from the table. (5-10 minutes)

• Step 4: Give the bathroom a quick once-over. Wipe down the faucet and sink, make sure the toilet is (decently) clean, check the toilet paper stock, and change out the hand towel. (~10 minutes)

• Step 5: Vacuum or sweep the area where you'll be. You don't have to do your whole house when people come over unless vacuuming calms you down. (~10 minutes)

I always throw on a cleaning-specific playlist and get in the zone. For me, having these steps in my mind helps me run through the bare necessities that should be done before people get here. Have I skipped some before gatherings? Absolutely. Did the party still happen and everyone had fun? You bet. But a lot of people are nervous to have people over because their house isn't clean enough. I'm here to tell you it doesn't have to be spotless, it's clean enough!

I remember when my now-mother-in-law (who I love SO much, I'm seriously so lucky, but this story is important) visited the apartment for the first time. It was our first big impressive dinner where we were showing off our space. Something fell under the back of the couch, which wasn't against a wall because #apartmentlife. She grabbed it and jokingly commented to the family about how it was a mess under there and how I was probably freaking out that she even looked. I hadn't even given it a second thought, because who would be checking under my couch except for this one-time accident? I had gotten as far under as the vacuum would let me! I felt such immediate shame that it made me look like I couldn't keep our space clean, when I knew I'd spent so much time leading up to the dinner trying to make everything impressive and perfect. She was trying to calm my assumed anxiety, while I felt embarrassed for a problem I didn't even know existed. Do I hold it against her? Absolutely not! Like I said, she's the best mother-in-law I ever could have asked for. But this inadvertently taught me an important lesson: your space will never be immaculate if you live in it. You need to determine what's important to get done before people come over. For me, it's food, tidy, drinks, clean, in that order. And if all else fails, a closed door does wonders for hiding things.

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Speaking of food and drinks…

Keep a (Relatively) Stocked Kitchen

Do you need to have a whole multi-course dinner ready to go at any given point? Heck no! The idea behind this is that you feel more prepared to throw together some munchies with the possibility of just ordering a pizza for a super-last-minute hangout. I haven't often had surprise get-togethers, but every time I do I feel relieved that I already have so much ready to go. My “Stocked” kitchen has these go-to’s on deck at all times:

• Pantry

  • Tortilla chips and salsa

  • Potato chips

  • Nuts (pre-mixed or get your favorites and you can mix your own)

  • Ritz fresh stack crackers (the smaller sleeve is perfect for reducing food waste, even if it means more packaging)

  • A box of brownie mix (Ghirardelli, if you have to know)

  • A few sodas and seltzers

• Fridge/Freezer

  • Ranch dressing

  • Carrots, celery, and/or mini cucumbers

  • Some kind of block of cheese (Cheddar, Parmigiano Reggiano, Gouda)

  • Lemons and limes

  • 1-2 frozen appetizers (spanakopita and mini quiche are my favorites, also love frozen phyllo cups)

  • Ice cream (good enough to be its own dessert!)

• Cabinet

  • Paper plates

  • Disposable utensils

  • Napkins

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You'll notice a common thing through most of the foods: CRUNCHY. I love foods with texture to open a meal. But they're all also things that we'll happily eat anyways. Sometimes the only energy I have to make myself lunch is heating up a few frozen mini quiche.

This isn't to say that this list is all you need for a party. These are my safety net that help me confidently say “Absolutely, come on over!” They're back-pocket munchies, savory or sweet, that helps ease that anxiety about what to serve. They help me invite anyone over at any moment's notice, which is the kind of open arms I hope to have.

Tip #1: Really think about if you want to be in the same house as everyone in the group for an extended period of time.

If yes, float a trip to the group! Some groups are meant for just afternoon/evening hangs, others can do multi-day trips together. Neither is better than the other, just different kinds of hangs.

I sang in choirs for most of my life and wanted to continue college (thanks to a strong-arm from one of my best friends in high school who was already in the Chorus). At the end of my pre-orientation backpacking trip, I met another freshman who was on the fence about joining the Chorus, the counterpart to the choir her older brother was in. According to her, my enthusiasm made her lean more towards actually doing it. In my eyes, she was the coolest outdoors-y person that SO many people knew and loved and I immediately wanted to be her friend. That's how I met Stef (my very first college friend™) and an invisible web started weaving. Once we both got into the group, we met Marissa, the future president of the Chorus with an unmatched level-headed-ness. We awkwardly found our way together, between rehearsals, walking back from parties, and meeting up for dinner.

A year later came the second half of our group: Sarah, the same year as Stef, Marissa, and I, who was set to change the world of infectious diseases; Christina, the brilliant bookworm on track to become a powerhouse attorney; and Sydney, wonder personified who was obsessed with sharks. None of us had the same major, rarely shared classes, and were on completely different paths. We became the Chicks (spoof off of where we lived together senior year) and supported each other through the wild twists and turns of college and adult life.

Graduation eventually came for the Chicks. Sydney and Christina were the year behind the other four of us, and the graduates scattered across the country. Our group chat went silent, not because we didn't love each other anymore, but life has a way of not stopping. We moved cities and states, continued our education, and advanced in our careers. We were busy doing what our younger selves had dreamed of.

Then, I got married. My husband and I had met through the choirs, so all of them knew him for as long as I did. We asked our choir friends to sing at our wedding, and I (naturally) put the Chicks all together at a table. I was off doing married things, but the ember reignited around their table. Sydney mentioned her dad Scott would go on an annual trip with his college friends when she was growing up. If he did it while raising kids, why couldn't we?

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Tip #2: Planning a group trip needs a leader, ideally someone familiar with where you're going (or willing to do the research).

This person doesn't need to do it all (delegate!) but someone needs to take charge for it to happen.

I got married in 2023 but our first trip didn't happen until 2025. We were all still busy but didn't know how to get started. Eventually, Sydney started a monthly call, and through that, we started planning. We picked a date, picked a place (my parents’ beach house) and held our breath.

Planes, trains, and automobiles, but we all got to the Jersey shore in one piece. Since we were at “my” house, I took charge of planning our meals and activities. I balanced dietary restrictions with mixed success (I'm still sorry for your janky grilled pizza, Marissa, I learned my lesson).

Tip #3: Identify a purpose for the trip, beyond just “it’d be fun.”

When you identify the purpose, you can plan the trip intentionally. Want to see a new place? Plan an itinerary with stops listed out (and check with the group of how much you want to do). Want to catch up? Plan to relax where you're staying more with some games/activities to break up the gab sessions. Is it a last hurrah before someone moves? Try doing a tour of where you currently are to get one last taste of everything.

Sydney was getting married two months after the trip but didn't do a traditional bachelorette party. We still wanted to celebrate her, so we threw her a surprise bachelorette night with a behind-the-scenes tour at the aquarium (it was technically meant for children but put 6 curious nerds on a tour and we're happy as can be).

We relaxed on the beach, played board games, and laughed like we hadn't in years. We did the unimaginable: we got the trip out of the group chat. Year 1 was complete.

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Tip #4: The first year is a one-off trip. If you want to make it a tradition, you need the second time.

Another friend told me that it takes two years for something to be a tradition, so I knew this year would be crucial to lock it in.

Sometime in late spring this year, the same texts started to make their rounds in the group chat “So…. Chicks Trip??”

Since we had such a blast at the beach last year, we figured we would just do it there again. We planned around PTO, parental leave, holidays, starting new jobs, and what weekends were even still free at the beach. People booked flights and trains, and I built out a monster spreadsheet to mark down exactly what we needed. We were so ready.

Tip #5: Stay flexible.

Mother Nature doesn’t care how excited you are.

Ready or not, the September 2026 Nor’easter had other plans for us. The first stage was accepting we likely wouldn't get any time actually on the beach. Then, it became a question of if it was even a safe idea to go. The house is on one of New Jersey’s barrier islands, an area VERY prone to flooding.

The morning we were supposed to go down, I decided to change our plans. Flights and trains couldn't be changed (by us), but everyone was “landing” only 30 minutes from my house. New plan: everyone stays with me!

Thankfully, I'd been keeping an eye on the weather the days before and decided to buy groceries at home instead of waiting until I got down there. I like to keep my house “hang-out ready” with a stocked pantry, paper plates and foil trays on deck, and tidy-able in 30 minutes (not not clean, but I'm not scrubbing walls on the regular). We have two beds, an air mattress, a pullout, and a pretty comfy couch. Between blankets and pillows people brought and we had, we would make it work.

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Tip #6: If you’re the leader, guide the trip like a moderator, not a cruise director.

You’re meant to be part of the gathering, not waving the umbrella for the tour to follow.

With such a last-minute change, I started panic-texting the group some activity ideas: Axe throwing? Farmers market? Movie?

But we didn't end up booking anything. What we actually did was so much more fulfilling: we engaged with each other. Since people trickled in, we wrote down a list of things to talk about when we were together (and yes, actually on a pad and paper. It wasn't specified to keep our phones away, but it naturally happened anyways).

A cruise director keeps things moving down to the minute, operating on a separate level from the group. They're not meant to be participating in the activities as much as setting the experience. A moderator is immersed in the experience, guiding from within based on what's happening. They're engaged and participating: an active member of the group. After too many occasions of acting as a cruise director, I finally learned how to tell when we were ready (instead of “when it was time”) to move into the next thing. It takes practice.

We talked through new and old relationships, parenthood, careers, our mental and physical health, and so much more. We played silly games, went for a walk in our sweatpants, made hibachi at home, and decorated homemade mini cakes.

Tip #7: Don't do the trip for the post; do it for the memories.

If your group is like ours, this trip likely is the only time you see each other all year. Act like it.

We went from seeing each other every single day in college to seeing each other once a year, if we're lucky. We didn't say it out loud to keep our phone use to a minimum, but it happened. Even though I knew I would want to write about the weekend, I barely captured any content because I was just enjoying myself. Make it a point to be present with each other. You’ll be so happy you did.

It’s a rare thing then to have a “slow” weekend at home. But even still, I get the bug of wanting to see people. I get to work from home most of the time, but that means that social interactions are pretty limited. Just this past weekend, I sent out a text to neighbors we haven’t seen in a while:

“Hey!! Any chance you guys are free on Saturday?”

We’ve been like ships passing in the night with these friends where one of us is almost always out of town. The last series of texts was the same thing of trying to do a last-minute get together.

“This keeps happening! We’ll be out of state for a wedding all weekend.”

I didn’t let this deter me from seeing them. Instead of saying “darn, we’ll have to pick another date!” like I did the last time, I sent a specific follow-up:

“What about the last two weekends in August?”

It’s so easy to say “we should hang out soon” and not pick a date. I’m very guilty of this myself! You don’t want to seem too eager or type-A that you’re actually putting it on the calendar. But people are busy and have lots of moving pieces in their lives. Even Ina said “We don’t say, ‘Let’s get together’ and then not pick a date.”

I have other friends that I do a quarterly dinner with, as hilariously business-y as that sounds. But you know what that means? We have a 3-month timeframe to make it work, and (except for a few months because of some extra circumstances) we’ve kept it going for almost two years now.

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You might be thinking at this point that I’ve done a bait-and-switch with this article, as I’m talking about making plans months in advance. But here we go:

There are two kinds of invites, and both are needed.

Sometimes, you need to do the months-out planning. There are different phases of life that just are busier than others, different seasons of the year, different reasons why it’s harder to see people. But there’s also the glimmers and a special place in my heart for the last-minute get-together.

Those neighbors were busy on Saturday, but I didn’t let that stop me from getting to see people. I texted another group of friends who we hadn’t seen in a while and we actually hadn’t had over before:

“Hey!! Any chance you guys are free on Saturday?”

This time, most of the group was available! We picked a time for “linner” that was flexible between nap schedules, and I pulled together an easy menu that was mostly prepped in advance. We ate bruschetta off of the teacup saucers from our plate set and dessert off of paper plates since I hadn’t run the dishwasher. I pulled a mis-mash of beers together and made a strawberry lemon-limeade from what we had in the fridge. They both asked what they could bring and we ended up with a smorgasburg of desserts that was laughably abundant for just 6 people.

All that to say that it wasn’t a picture-perfect dinner party with flowers and place settings. It was relaxed, impromptu, and, most importantly, fun. And it happened because I took the risk of rejection that they might be busy, but thankfully they happened to be free.

This is your sign to send the last-minute invite, pick an actual date in advance if needed, and keep at it if you want to have people over.

My family is anything but small. I’m one of 18 first cousins on one side and 11 on the other (with 5 overlapping, but that’s a story for another time). Every holiday was a big celebration with folding tables and chairs spilling from room to room. I married into a big, boisterous family: my now-husband and I had to make spreadsheets in the beginning to understand who was who in each other’s families. Needless to say, “intimate gatherings” aren’t the standard.

I’m sure my parents didn’t throw parties any more frequently than the next couple, but I remember them as such spectacular events. There was fun music, delicious food, so many people, and, most notably, laugher. I have such strong memories of being upstairs in my bedroom (since it was a grown-up party) and listening to my house being filled with laughs. I remember my neighbor playing our out-of-tune piano to boisterous applause and wishing I could be down there enjoying it all. I couldn’t wait to be old enough to be at those parties and to eventually host them myself.

Now that I’m an adult, I haven’t been to a cocktail party like I remember my parents throwing. Yes, there have been house parties and dinner parties, but there’s something about the cocktail party that’s special.

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For hosting a dinner party, you need to have enough seats for people to actually eat the dinner. Add on the expense of cooking the main course (even if you do a potluck), and suddenly what started as a fun Friday night idea seems like a chore. Then, there’s the house party: people packed in, lots of drinks, and loud music, but also smaller groups where you have to yell, warm rooms, and not usually any food.

Enter: the cocktail party. A curated guest list, small bites packed with flavor, fun music that sets the tone but doesn’t overwhelm it, and whatever drinks you feel like serving.

For my 30th birthday, I threw the sparkling wine-themed cocktail party of my dreams. I kept the bar simple: 6 different styles of sparkling wine from around the world. I wrote up little descriptions for each one so that everyone could know something about what they were drinking (and hopefully find a new favorite). My sister made French 75 glitter jello shots to tie in with the sparkle theme. I crafted a menu of both homemade and store-bought appetizers that overflowed our dining room table. My mom bought a blank white sheet cake that served as a “guest book” for people to sign and decorate. I created a playlist of my favorite artists, but that wasn’t the soundtrack of the evening.

It was adults laughing.

And this time, I was finally downstairs.

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